Writers. Of all the breeds of human known to felines, they are the most common and the most troublesome. Retired humans are far more suitable companions, but I digress. I am Lady Jessie. I, along with my cousin Avonlea and her sons, am the exasperated owner of a human named Ashleigh Cutler. I inherited Ashleigh upon the death of my previous human. Despite her best efforts, her daughter is not nearly as well trained. In honor of my beloved Pam, I offer my Top Ten Ways to Help a Writer:
#10: Enforce feeding schedules. Not just yours, either. It is important to remind your human to eat, as they will easily forget about such things while working.
#9: Enforce break times. Your human may not want to pry themselves away from the computer, but sitting there for hours staring at a blank page will only frustrate them. So sit in front of the screen and bat their hands until they get the hint.
#8: Be supportive. Yes, most of what your human writes will bore you. Despite this, it is important to let your human think you like their latest endeavor. The best way to do this is to sit on top of any finished pages.
#7: Be inspiring. Do crazy things. Do unique things. Do cute things. You never know when your human will decide to write about something important: You.
#6: Respect your writer’s space. Remember that no matter that it is called a “mouse”, it is not a toy. Neither are pens and pencils. Play with them only when your human isn’t looking.
#5: Be helpful. Maybe your human has the dreaded “writer’s block”. Show them how simple it is by walking across the keyboard.
#4: Eliminate distractions. Who can write when the phone is ringing off the hook? Knock it off the cradle, or if it’s a cell, hide it under the bed.
#3: Remember you are not a secretary. So avoid the out-going mail at all costs. You don’t want to be the reason bills don’t get paid.
#2: Be tolerant. Writers do things on their own schedules. They get around to everything eventually. Remember this when your litterbox needs cleaned, and use it anyway.
#1: Always be there. Writing is a lonely job. It’s yours to keep your human company. Sitting on their laps or desk is a good way to do this. Don’t forget to purr!
~ Lady Jessie